Processing emotions of change…

Feeling lonely and homesick is an intense feeling. Especially when you are homesick for the people you once knew. Their children you swore you’d always be there for. Even in the day of technology, the idea of watching them grow online instead of being there was too much!

So I become overwhelmed with sadness and loneliness and give up everything that made me happy (there’s about three main factors for leaving this is one of them) to come back to a place I swore I’d never come back to.

Yet I still feel lonely because nothing is the same as it once was. Everything here for me has fallen apart. It’s only been 10 months yet feels like I’ve gone through several lifetimes of pain and sadness. And I still watch them grow from a far. Still feeling sad and lonely and homesick. Honestly feeling worse than I ever have!

Now I know that everything happening is to make way for my highest good even if I don’t see if right now. But it is still incredible hard to let go! It’s hard to come to terms with things sometimes.